today
constantly struggling, and it seems that there is no end in sight. I have read poems and thoughts of people, particulary christians, who want to be taken out to the rougher, deeper, and unsure waters where their faith will tested, stretched, and, if they survive, strengthened. There is a degree of resentment that I feel when I read those things, because I live there, and would rather be on the other side. You know that place. Comfort, and ease. A place where bills are paid, and jobs are stable. I just want to tell those people to shut their fucking mouths and enjoy their time in the sun, because out here the stress, fear, and worry wear you out.
I shared my thoughts with a friend today, and in light of the recent stress this sums up my sentiment:
not diggin’ on life right now
it’s why i’m sitting here at work reading my bible, praying, reading the legend of fin macool, and working, trying to stay focused. feel really burdened right now. don’t know what else to do about it. I mean, thank god that i still have a job to go to. I just don’t know what to do about the rest. don’t want to ask for help either because our story is similar to other stories. so i listen to The Journey Of The Celts, read the bible, and read about fin macool. i think about the stories of my ancestors and what they survived, and I think about my own story and my prayers. I am damned near out of faith, and I am tired. These stories remind me of the toughness of spirit i possess. this does not come with the arrogance and pomp that goes into psyching up oneself in the midst of adversity. It is a quiet sigh of resignation of the truth, and heavy feet moving. I am tired of the struggle, but i’m not giving up. Is there a happy ending? this is a celtic story. it is neither happy, or sad…it is bittersweet, and when it’s over I will take my place in the great hall with those who have gone before me; and I will feel no shame.
